RESOURCES
Everyone grieves differently and will need a variety of help after experiencing any trauma or tragedy. We can highly recommend the following places to seek professional help:
Griffin's Giving Fund - https://www.facebook.com/Griffins-Giving-Fund-121811518548688/
Griffin's Giving Fund was established by Pamela and Paul Caine, along with their children, in memory of their son, Griffin Matthew Caine. Griffin's Giving Fund honors Griffin's memory by doing good works in his name, and focuses on supporting other families who have been impacted by loss and grief. Griffin's Giving Fund's on-going efforts include creating and developing Griffin Park in Tenafly, NJ as well as funding and coordinating a comprehensive perinatal bereavement support program at Englewood Hospital and Medical Center in Englewood, NJ. Over the years, Griffin's Giving Fund has also supported like-minded charitable organizations within our community and across the country, with the goal of providing support, educational resources and compassionate care to help families who have experienced a loss move towards a path of healing.
NechamaComfort - http://nechamacomfort.com/
Judaism cherishes the miracle of life and life itself. Yet there are times when some are challenged with the loss of precious life when pregnancy ends before birth or when a child does not survive. The sense of loss is profound, but so is the response by NechamaComfort.There are many things to consider in any Jewish loss situation:
•Hospital remembrances
•Naming
•Preparation and burial
•Shiva
•Memory objects
•Yahrtzeit -memorial
•Yizkor
NechamaComfort understands your confusion and overwhelm—and not knowing how these rituals apply in your situation.
Books That Provided Comfort and Insight:
After a Loss in Pregnancy: Help for Families Affected by a Miscarriage, a Stillbirth or the Loss of a Newborn by Nancy Berezin
Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby by Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D.
Empty Arms: Coping With Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death by Sherokee Ilse
To Mourn a Child: Jewish Responses to Neonatal and Childhood Death by Jeffrey Saks and Joel B. Wolowelsky
The Sisu Way - http://thesisuway.com/
The Sisu Way is a project started by Scott McGee and provides listeners and followers with examples of how to live with The Sisu Way, which is strength and determination in the face of adversity, persistence, hope, grit, unbeatable mindset full of courage, tenacity, resilience, willpower, triumph and an unconquerable soul. These tenets go far beyond grieving although it is covered in one of the podcasts (#13). You can find them here.
Helpful Articles/Websites:
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/health/stillbirth-reader-stories.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/29/reader-center/perinatal-death-stillbirth-miscarriage.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/23/health/after-a-stillbirth-a-silent-delivery-room.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/21/style/perinatal-death-stillbirth-childbirth.html
https://www.tommys.org/your-stillbirth-stories
http://unspokengrief.com/mission/
http://momenough.com/2017/11/helping-heal-miscarriage-stillbirth
http://www.bearsofhope.org.au/
Crossfit, Inc. Video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cdxwf8CGBE4
Allison's Speech for National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
For most people, the month of October represents the start of Fall - pumpkin picking, leaves changing colors, a nice change to some cooler weather. For me and my husband, Jeremy, October will forever be the month that we lost our first child. On October 23 of last year, Jeremy and I went in for our routine 39 week visit, just a few days before our due date with our first son. It had been an amazing pregnancy, smooth, all positive visits, until that day when they told us that he had no heartbeat. We were in complete shock, and sometimes I think we still are, and we were told that he would need to be delivered naturally whenever we were ready to go to the hospital. He was delivered the following day, in the most quiet of deliveries, and all I wanted was for it to be a mistake and to hear him cry. We spent a few hours singing to him, holding him, and feeling his physical being, moments I am eternally grateful that we had. We had too many decisions to make in a hurry but as Jeremy says, those decisions were also allowing us to be parents however we could for him. We named him Calev, meaning “like a heart,” because all we knew was that he did not have a heartbeat but he will forever live on in our hearts.
This year has been the most difficult of our lives, because losing him not only made us childless parents, but it is the loss of all of the events that we are not able to see him go through that sometimes hurts the most. The first year of milestones that we will never see him reach, the plans that never materialized for who was going to do the middle of the night feedings, and now, when we should be planning his one year birthday party but instead are planning a one year memorial service. These triggers sometimes come out of nowhere, a pang that reminds us that he should be here with us, and we try our best to manage them without falling apart, a task that does seem to get slightly easier with time.
Yesterday, October 13th, symbolized two life changing events in our lives – the first, one of the happiest days of my life when Jeremy proposed to me 6 years ago, and the second, the date on the Hebrew calendar of losing Calev one year ago. This day encapsulated what our lives have been like since we lost our son. We can have many happy moments and days but there will always be an ache longing for him no longer here. There is a constant duo of feelings happening in every exciting moment – a deep pain that never goes away and a wish that Calev was here with us enjoying the happy times together. As we are continuing along this journey, now thankfully 23 weeks along in our rainbow baby pregnancy, I am constantly battling with tentative excitement to welcome this baby into the world and fear and anxiety that things will go wrong again. I am so grateful to Calev for giving me a blissful nine months together where I was able to feel him move and Jeremy and I got to see his face through ultrasounds and I am immensely grateful to the hospital staff here for allowing us the opportunity to touch and hold him as long as we wanted once he was delivered. Now, though our lives will never be the same and we will never be able to be in that blissful state without that constant ache, we can still look forward to the future and know there can be happy times ahead, however different they may seem.
We are now moving ahead in our path in life with our memories of him ever-present and the hopes that by remembering him, we can use all of the love that we had built up for him and channel it towards others and dedicate positive actions in his honor. We are forever managing the two feelings – feeling hopeful for the future and grieving for the past. However, knowing we are surrounded by family, friends, and a wonderful community and knowing Calev is so loved and remembered by so many people, helps us move forward a little more each day.